“Monkey See, Monkey Do”

Grief support for kids . .

Would you like to support your kids with loss and grief?  Below is the beginning of the story from “When Children Grieve”  that may resonate with you.  My intention is to open the door of awareness that there is help and support for you and your children.

“My son’s father died, and I want to know how to help him.”

The above sentence may seem puzzling.  It is an emotionally powerful statement of fact that raises many questions simultaneously.

And yet, “My son’s father died, and I want to know how to help him” was the very real opening comment of a phone call Russell received at the Grief Recovery institute.  In order to understand the callers specific circumstances, Russell had to ask the same questions that you might already be asking:  Was her son’s father her husband?  were they living together?  Did she love the man?  The caller answered yes to all three questions.  as a matter of fact, this woman and her husband were very much in love, and she was devastated by his sudden death.  In addition to the nine-year-old son, there were two daughters, one fourteen years old and the other five years old, about whom she was concerned.

Her husband had left the house one morning, an apparently healthy forty-year-old man.  he arrived at work and suffered a massive heart attack.  A chilling phone call informed her of his death.

Following his many years of experience,

Russell encouraged the woman to talk about her relationship with her husband.  but, with a singleness of purpose, she kept insisting that she wanted to talk only about helping her nine-year-old son.  So Russell asked her to describe the problem she perceived her son to be having.

During the conversation that followed, Russell discovered  that the boy was having many of the normal reactions associated  with such a profound loss.  But what was troubling the mom most was her son would not talk at all about his reactions to his dad’s death.  She explained that when she asked him how he was feeling he would say “I’m fine!”  and then clam up.  when she asked a second time or pushed the topic, her son would retreat to his room and close the door.  Russell said that he could imagine that might be pretty upsetting to her.  After all, her son, whom she loved very much, had to be crushed by the death of his dad, yet he would not talk about it.  This mom was sure that whatever was going on was not healthy for her son.,

At that point, Russell recalled earlier in the conversation ..

she had said that she loved her husband very much.  he said gently, ‘You told me that you loved your husband very much, and obviously you have been devastated by his death.”  After a short pause, in a small, coked voice, she answered, “Yes”.  Russell pressed on, asking her another question one to which he was sure he already knew the answer.  “When you and your son are together, and you get overwhelmed with emotions related to the death of your husband, what do you do?”  Immediately she responded,  “I have to be strong for him; that’s what everyone tells me to do.  So when I feel the tears coming, I go to my room.”

The Aha . .

A very long silence followed, Russell did not interrupt.  Finally, and probably for the first time, she heard what she had just said.  The light bulb of awareness went off in her head.  She understood.  The silence ended with her saying, “Oh my gosh, he’s doing what I do, isn’t he?”

Later, we will tell you about this mom and the nine-year-old boy whose father died.  We will also tell you what happened with his two sisters.  Their story will be an important illustration in helping you help your children with deal with losses of all kinds.

From the book.  . When Children Grieve written by John W James  and Russell Friedman with Dr. Leslie Landon Matthews

Hope and support to help your kids with loss and grief . .

Does this story resonate?  Are there any similarities to your life?

If you are interested in participating in the Renew Your Possibility – As Children Grieve 6 week Study group, sign up here.

This is a complimentary study group that will provide you some incredibly valuable safety tips and tools that you will be able to use for the rest of your life and your children’s lives.  I guarantee it.

Or, if you are not ready to take that step, download one of the ebooks under the resources page  and read up on grief.

Schedule a 15 minute complimentary call to share what your experiencing so you can ask me questions.

Just take that first step.  do something that you have not done before.  It’s ok, to not be ok, yet please don’t stay stuck in your grief.  There is light on the other side.

Remember, “The beginning is the most important part of the work.” Plato

Yours in Gratitude and to Renewing Your Possibility. . .

Debbie  Your Grief Recovery Specialist®