Helping Children with Loss – Myth 3 – Grieve Alone

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Looking at Myth 3:

Grieve Alone

John enjoyed a close relationship with his grandfather who lied nearby.  his grandpa taught him to hunt and fish and pla ball.  Since john’s father was on the road a lot, Grandpa became very important to John.  One day, while john was sitting in a high school class, a student came into the room and handed the teacher a note.  the teacher read the note then walked down to John’s desk and said, “John your grandfather has died.”  As John remembers that moment, his mind began “Don’t feel bad, on Sat -”  . . ..  and he burst into tears, realizing that on Saturday he wasn’t going to get a new grandpa.

The teacher, who adored John but was herself ill-equipped to deal with loss in the classroom, said, “John, maybe you should go to the office so you can be alone.”  So John went down to the office and sat by himself for what seemed like an eternity.  Bear in mind that one of the most important people in Johns life had died, and John was sent to sit lone as if her were being punished.

Finally, a family friend arrived to pick up John and take him home.  he raced into the parlor to see his mother sitting in a corner crying.  It was her father who had just died.  John made a beeline for his mother, to both comfort and be comforted.  He did not make it to his mother.  One of his uncles stepped in and caught John and said, “John, don’t disturb your mother, she’ll be okay in a little while.”  The idea that she should grieve alone was cemented into John’s brain by the actions and reactions of the adults round him.  John went to his room, too.

The definition of Myth

One of the dictionary definitions of the word myth is: an unfounded or false notion.  By the age of fourteen, following the death of his dog, the theft of his bicycle, and then the death of his grandfather, John had acquired three very powerful myths or false notions for dealing with loss:

Don’t feel bad

Replace the loss

Grieve alone

If you identify with any of the three myths we have outlined, it is likely that you have been passing them along to your own children.

From the book.  . When Children Grieve written by John W James  and Russell Friedman with Dr. Leslie Landon Matthews

There is help . .

If you are interested in participating in the Renew Your Possibility – As Children Grieve 6 week Study group, sign up here.

This is a complimentary study group that will provide you some incredibly valuable safety tips and tools that you will be able to use for the rest of your life and your children’s lives.  I guarantee it.

Or, if you are not ready to take that step, purchase the book “When Children Grieve here . .

Or download one of the ebooks under the resources page and read up on grief.

Another option is to Schedule a 15 minute complimentary call to share what your experiencing so you can ask me questions.

Just take that first step.  Do something that you have not done before.  It’s ok, that your not ok, yet please don’t stay stuck in grief.  There is light on the other side.

Remember, “The beginning is the most important part of the work.” Plato

Yours in Gratitude and to Renewing Your Possibility. . .

Debbie  Your Grief Recovery Specialist®