Great News – Different Beliefs Produce Better Results for Children
So far we have taken a detailed look at three major myths and have discussed how they can have a lifelong negative impact on children and on their future as adults and parents. Now we want to take a look at the short-term and long-term benefits that have accrued to children who have been raised with better beliefs about dealing with loss.
Leslie’s doctoral research involved comparing children who experienced the death of a family member. One group was made up of children whose parents or guardians had substantial awareness of the principles of grief recovery as discussed in the book, the Grief Recovery Handbook. The second group had no knowledge of the book or any of its principles or recommended actions.
Effective Results – better transitions in the area of communication
The essential difference between the two sets of parents / guardians was this: One group was helped to look at their own beliefs about dealing with loss (in much the same way that we have been doing so far in this book), while the other group was not.
As the direct result of looking at and adjusting their own beliefs, these parents/guardians passed on better skills and ideas to the children in their care. The children in this first, relatively enlightened group, made much better transitions in the area of communicating about sad, painful, or negative feelings. They can talk safely and accurately about feeling sad, then move on to other feelings. The individuals in this group do not perceive themselves to be defective when they are sad.
Overtime, their bond of trust with their parents and their openness about their feelings has remained steadfast. This group includes children who ranged in age from four to eight when the major loss occurred in their lives. They have sustained the positive lessons learned as a result of their parents or guardians acquiring information about dealing more effectively with loss. Others in the study, who were eight or nine when their loss occurred and are now teenagers, feel incredibly safe in talking about or hearing others talk about loss. In addition, they are very helpful to friends are dealing with loss.
What you believe is what you teach.
Keep in mind, what you believe is what you teach. If you acquire more effective communication about dealing with loss, you will be a better teacher. Your children will be the automatic beneficiaries. Personal stories illustrating those benefits appear in a later section entitled “Win-Win.”
From the book. . When Children Grieve written by John W James and Russell Friedman with Dr. Leslie Landon Matthews
There is help . .
If you are interested in participating in the Renew Your Possibility – As Children Grieve 6 week Study group, sign up here.
This is a complimentary study group that will provide you some incredibly valuable safety tips and tools that you will be able to use for the rest of your life and your children’s lives. I guarantee it.
Or, if you are not ready to take that step, purchase the book “When Children Grieve here . .
Or download one of the ebooks under the resources page and read up on grief.
Another option is to Schedule a 15 minute complimentary call to share what your experiencing so you can ask me questions.
Just take that first step. Do something that you have not done before. It’s ok, that your not ok, yet please don’t stay stuck in grief. There is light on the other side.
Remember, “The beginning is the most important part of the work.” Plato
Yours in Gratitude and to Renewing Your Possibility. . .
Debbie Your Grief Recovery Specialist®