Loss by Suicide

Suicide is Complicated

This past weekend was a deeply heavy weekend for young families. As some of you may know, I serve as a Chaplain for our local fire and police departments and the families that are impacted by a tragedy.

I feel there is a deep need to speak to a complicated topic. This topic is a vulnerable share, as I sit with heavy feelings, and emotions, after being on a Chaplain call with a family who experienced profound tragedy. Then the next day I received a phone call that we, as a family, lost another young family member.  So heartbreaking!

My purpose is to shed awareness and put a voice to what is not known unless you experience it, losing a son or daughter to suicide. It’s a club you do not ever want to belong too. The pain is profound.

9/7/2020- I feel deep sadness and a profound grief for our families who lost their teenager to death by suicide. Then receiving a phone call, one of our family members lost their teenager the same way.

My heart hurts for them.

The anguish they feel for not being able to talk to their child again. To hear their child’s voice one more time, say “mom” or “dad.”

To hold them in their arms, one.more.time.

I feel deep, deep sorrow for a young daughter who listened to internal lies that the world would be better without her. The deep despair and pain felt inside, not wanting life to go on.

I feel deep, deep sorrow for a young son who was so depressed, he could not live one more day.

I am familiar with the feeling of tragic shock, disbelief, and wondering when someone would wake me up from the horrific dream. I remember wanting the world to stop turning. For there to be a superman who could fly counterclockwise for the Earth to go back in time, right before my son died to talk with him.

Our world tends to be ugly at times. Ugly in a sense that so many young people absorb the ugliness inside them and cannot process it, they don’t know how to cope or hold a feeling of not belonging, or not fitting in. That feeling of not fitting in is unbearable. The pain is too much to bear. If it is due to depression, or feeling not accepted or even liked.
My son shared he felt like something was missing inside.

We want them to know they MATTER.

I do not have answers for parents who want their pain to stop. Who wants to know “what happened” or says, “I had no idea.”

What I can share as one parent who lost their son to suicide to another, take one day at a time. The pain never goes away.

You may cry your heart out, and you possibly may get angry.  Everyone’s grief is different.  there is no right or wrong way with grief.

Be kind to yourself. Give yourself grace.
Take time out for you. Go for a walk in Mother Nature, among the trees that are so nurturing. You may feel like wrapping a blanket around you to feel supported and calm. One of those weighted blankets would feel good. Or you may feel you need to do something to stay busy. Be it doing what you love to do, caring for your family, gardening, cooking, or baking. Spending quiet time alone, honoring your grief, and every feeling you have.

For friends of families who lost their child, understand that you do not know or understand how they feel unless you have experienced the same type of loss. What you can do, BE there for them. Take care of small chores or things you see that need attention. Make sure your friend is drinking lots of water and eating nutritious food. And sit with them in silence. Know this; there is nothing to fix. You may feel uncomfortable as you don’t know what to say or do to make them feel better.


Yet being there as their friend, to be by their side, makes a world of difference.

By being there, you are sharing – YOU matter to me!

Do you know a parent, or a teenager who is hurting?  That needs support?

Do you need someone to listen and hear all that is pent up internally?

Reach out, get in touch with me. [email protected]

From my heart to yours, I know.

Warmly – Debbie