Never Compare Losses
“I cried because I had no shoes until I met the man who had no feet.”
This wonderful parable helps children develop a sense of proportion. It teaches them to look for things for which to be grateful. unfortunately it is often misconstrued to mean that when we have a loss, we must look for someone who has a larger loss, or more losses, so we won’t feel so bad.
This does not help . .
Let us illustrate the misuse of that idea in its most heartbreaking form. Imagine a couple has had a young child die. They have two other children who are still living. This is what they often hear: “Don’t feel bad, at least you have other children.” (that comment makes my heart hurt.)
Well-meaning friends and relatives say such things in an attempt to help. But really what they have done is compared losses in order to minimize feelings. Do you think having two other children diminished the pain caused by the death of a child? The comparison, no matter how well intended, does the opposite; it makes the grievers feel worse. Worse, because the comment indicates that their friend does not understand what they are going through, which in turn leads to isolation, which worsens the problem.
All loss is experienced at 100%.
There is no such thing as half grief. This is particularly true for children. You have all seen a child howl when you take away a toy. The emotional response is immense, and the tears are real. As you begin to apply new ideas to the inevitable losses that occur in your children’s lives, please remember never to compare losses and never to compare or ignore feelings.
From the book. . When Children Grieve written by John W James and Russell Friedman with Dr. Leslie Landon Matthews
There is help . .
If you are interested in participating in the Renew Your Possibility – As Children Grieve 6 week Study group, sign up here.
This is a complimentary study group that will provide you some incredibly valuable safety tips and tools that you will be able to use for the rest of your life and your children’s lives. I guarantee it.
Or, if you are not ready to take that step, purchase the book “When Children Grieve here . .
Or download one of the ebooks under the resources page and read up on grief.
Another option is to Schedule a 15 minute complimentary call to share what your experiencing so you can ask me questions.
Just take that first step. Do something that you have not done before. It’s ok, that your not ok, yet please don’t stay stuck in grief. There is light on the other side.
Remember, “The beginning is the most important part of the work.” Plato
Yours in Gratitude and to Renewing Your Possibility. . .
Debbie Your Grief Recovery Specialist®